beeeeeeeep - clear!

My roommates at one time called me 'stone face'. It was something that surprised me because I thought I was fairly transparent as far as those things called 'feelings' were concerned. I can't say I liked the name but it did make me wonder what exactly it was I projecting to the world.

I've generally thought of myself as a fairly level person. If you saw a graph of my feelings, it would look less like stock market trends and more like a dead person's cardiogram. Hm, no wonder they called me 'stone face'.

I'm not comfortable with being angry but this week I was less afraid of it. I'm not sure what it is. The more time you spend telling people what to do/not to do, the more you feel entitled to get angry. (I have to marinate on that some more.)

The boyfriend laughed when I told him I entered the classroom and they spontaneously started singing some sort of "welcome, welcome we're happy to see you" song, which I got angry about, which he found even more funny.

The kids talk and talk and talk and talk. Even if you look straight at them and tell them to stop talking, the second you turn away from them, they're back talking again. I'm still searching for a shock and awe method and have found that wearing a ring on my hand is helpful when I smack the desk (once) to get their attention. Until my hand spontaneously turned purple.

I felt myself wanting to yell "shut up!" but it came out sounding like "shbe quiet!"

It wasn't a great week and it timed itself nicely with PMS. On Friday, I asked each kid what they were doing on the weekend and getting to hear their quirky stories ("I'm going to America to eat a burger," "I'm driving to the barber, then to a cafe by myself") made me like them more.

I wanted to see what ol' stone face looked like angry so I took a peek in the mirror. It wasn't pretty. Scrunched face, wide eyes. I can't understand why the kids would be happy to see me let alone want to sing a song about it.