we're not going anywhere

Ethiopia is a strange place. Sometimes I wonder if it’s this country that’s changed me or it’s my own reaction to unfamiliar circumstances. I’ve always pushed myself to be self-reliant but here I find myself hesitating or all out refraining from just stepping out the door. I’ll be home for hours on end – reading, washing dishes, watching a movie – and I think to myself that I should go for a walk, get some milk from the store, visit friends. But I don’t. I can’t. The second I step out from my house I know it won’t be easy. And just the fact that I want it to be easy makes me feel weak. The language barrier is tough but not impossible. The looks and comments from other people are annoying but not harmful. Ethiopia Ethiopia no. The constant struggle is in my head.

One of my work friends is getting married today. She’s been here a short while and found her love quickly. It’s strange being a grown up. People around me are getting married, having babies. By association, that means it can happen to me too. I never thought I would get married and have babies. But now with the boyfriend, I have no hesitation. If only I’d though of the concept earlier, then maybe it wouldn’t seem so…so (ha) foreign.

Maybe we should just do one of those two things. Help me in my strangeness.